Don't Blog and Drive

 I was so excited. I never knew I'd have a chance to actually buy an iPad...one of technologies newest gifts to the 21st century. I was cool. I was hip. I had an iPhone, naturally. Now an iPad.
 My enthusiasm couldn't be contained. I wanted to shout to everyone in the store, "Looky, Looky! I got me a new iPad! I'm cool!" But the cashier was older and the other shoppers looked like English wasn't exactly their native tongue, so I bit mine and kept a lid on my exuberance.
 That is, until I got to the parking lot. My mind was awhirl with all the new things I could do with my new gadget. I could view the Internet bigger than from my iPhone. I could... blog!
 Yeah. I blog. So, here goes nothing. If I can't share this landmark mountaintop experience with others in person, I'll tap out the blog about it to the world on my flashy new screen...
 I noticed the time. Late again. Better hurry. Just a few more witty sentences. I started the car. I didn't mean to pull out, but my foot was on the gas and I had shifted into drive with my knee while tapping my blog on the screen.
 I was creeping out of the parking lot, blogging and driving like a 21st century multitasking machine. I had the world of technology in my grasp. I was master of the cyberverse...
My blinker was on. I swear. I pulled out on green. I did. Why that old lady in the 1979 Ford Fairlane thought she had the right of way I'll never know.
 Mistubishi Galant damage: $1,099.87 for new bumper and front panel and left headlight.
Ford Fairlane damage: Scratch visible on chrome bumper if standing two feet away and staring hard, looking for it.
 Not a fair fight, Fairweather Fairlane!
 Good thing my iPad is insured... at least it isn't damaged, actually. It saved my life. In mid blog, at the point of impact, my iPad shielded my face from the steering wheel as my head slammed down. Unfortunately, my left eye collided with the corner of my iPad and nearly caused a blood vessel to burst.
The eye doctor was polite enough, until he heard what had happened. Then he acted like insurance wouldn't cover eye injuries while blogging and driving.
I think he's just jealous, since he doesn't have an iPad. Well, now I'm one up on everyone. I have an iPhone, and iPad, and now, an iPatch...