New Leaf, New Life

It’s not easy being a Christian, but it’s worth it. My wife doesn’t want anything to do with me at times. She thinks it’s safer to avoid me because of all the pain I’ve inflicted on her over the years.

 I’ll admit, I have shattered her trust for over a decade. So, the scars aren’t expected to heal quickly.

 However, as my new life emerges and the old one fades, I do anticipate being able to protect and nurture her the way God intended for me to. I won’t shirk my responsibility to take care of her emotionally, financially, physically and in so many other ways.

 But at this point in time, she is too crushed to care. And so, I wait.

 And while I wait, I rely on the author of the universe to pick me up, dust me off, and put me on the straight and narrow.  I must set a godly example for my four young sons, and I must embrace my wife for who she is. I must not react negatively to her just because I want things to be better. I will wait on the Lord and seek His wisdom and trust Him for the outcome.

 In 2004, I lost our dream home due to foreclosure as a result of my poor choices. Now, in 2011, it appears I am about to lose my marriage, also due to my poor choices. However, God restored my home, debt free, in 2008. But I didn’t have that assurance in 2004. On April 7, 2004, I prayed, “God, I give my house to you. Whatever the outcome, even if I never come back to it, may you get the glory for the outcome. May others see how you provided for me and my family despite the circumstances.”

 And with that prayer, my wife and I released our home with a peace in our hearts.

 On January 13, 2011, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. And on that day, with a peace that passes understanding, I released my marriage to God, just as I had done my home years ago.

 I don’t know if God will restore my marriage as He has my home. But I believe He can, and He will, if I continue in obedience. But even if not, I will faithfully serve Him and serve the woman I married and continue to nurture her and love and raise our children even more fervently than before.

 It’s like turning over a new leaf and starting a new life. Sure, there will be problems, but God is bigger than anything people and circumstances can dish out. So I rest in that.