I shoot people for a living

 Think what you may, I get paid to shoot people.
 I walk into crowded restaurants, four or five nights per week, and shoot them. My style is to go down the row, booth, by booth, table by table, taking the same path, shooting everyone I can. If someone is on the cell phone, I leave them alone. Or if I know them, sometimes I let it pass. But almost everyone else gets shot. I make them sit close and smile when I do it. I shoot them in the face.
 I shoot women, children, old people... I shoot more children in the summertime and more older folks in the fall. People prefer I shoot their children and sometimes ask not to be shot.
 I grant their requests. After all, there are plenty of other folks to shoot.
 After I shoot them in the face at close range, I return to where they sit and take their money. Not a lot. The most money I've ever taken from one table is under $70. I usually get $8 a pop. Sometimes $16.
 But it's enough to make it worth my while and come back to do it again.