If I'd known

 If I'd known in May it was my last intimate encounter with my wife
I'd have lasted longer
If I'd known in August she'd be gone the next day
I'd have held her
If I'd known she wasn't going to let me back
I'd have done things differently to win her heart
If I'd known what I know now
I'd have never done what I did.

If I'd known she'd want a divorce in January
I'd have made December better
I'd have listened to her more
I'd have worked harder to work harder
I'd have gotten closer
Been romantic
Been available to her cries
Held her if she'd have let me
Wooed her faster, better, stronger
Made a difference in her indifference
Stopped my lying
Stopped her crying
Done myself a favor
Done my wife a service
Protected my marriage
Saved my kids the grief.

Living in a separate world
On a lonely couch
Away
Not intended to live this way
Didn't sign up for this
Wedding vows were meant to keep
Not throw away on being a creep
I'm in too far, I've sunk too deep
She has no love for me to keep.
And so, I live without living
Do without doing
Talk without talking
Making no difference to her indifference
Making no sense of my life at all.
My journey now includes living
With the past that won't go away
With mistakes and poor choices
That carry consequences permanent in nature
Regret surrounds me like a shroud
And there's no silver lining beyond the clouds.