I shoot people for a living

 Think what you may, I get paid to shoot people.
 I walk into crowded restaurants, four or five nights per week, and shoot them. My style is to go down the row, booth, by booth, table by table, taking the same path, shooting everyone I can. If someone is on the cell phone, I leave them alone. Or if I know them, sometimes I let it pass. But almost everyone else gets shot. I make them sit close and smile when I do it. I shoot them in the face.
 I shoot women, children, old people... I shoot more children in the summertime and more older folks in the fall. People prefer I shoot their children and sometimes ask not to be shot.
 I grant their requests. After all, there are plenty of other folks to shoot.
 After I shoot them in the face at close range, I return to where they sit and take their money. Not a lot. The most money I've ever taken from one table is under $70. I usually get $8 a pop. Sometimes $16.
 But it's enough to make it worth my while and come back to do it again.

Dog Blog Number 5: Bear

Warning: The following blog contains graphic material which may offend some readers.

Our neighbors down the road had a black chow dog named “Bear”. It looked just like a bear. One day, bear got into our chickens and killed one. I knew the routine well. All dogs who kill chickens earn a death sentence.

I waited until our neighbors’ car went by, signifying their absence from their home. I took my trusty shotgun/rife over and under, loaded it with a 22 shell and a 410 bird shot, and walked down the dead end gravel road to the neighbors.

 They were gone, but Bear was home. He was tied by a rope to a post next to the separate concrete block garage. Bear was under a fiberglass corrugated roof overhang and was standing on concrete.

 He looked at me suspiciously, a low growl in his throat. I raised the gun barrel and took aim at Bear’s head. I pulled the trigger. BAM! Bear was on the ground instantly, blood draining from his head.

 I cut the rope, not caring how it looked, and dragged the Bear’s bloody body off into the nearby woods. I took some water and cleaned off the blood from the concrete and headed home now that the mission was accomplished.

 The neighbor’s never asked me who killed Bear and I never bothered to tell them.