Delayed Divorce Decision

  Sunday before last my family left for church and I was getting ready to leave for work when I came across something that struck me like a gunshot wound. "The court hearing is at 8:30 a.m. Wednesday and John doesn't seem interested," I read my wife's handwriting.
 Doesn't seem interested? I had no idea my divorce was coming up within 72 hours and I hadn't known!
 I scrambled out the side door like a wounded animal, howling in agony as the family dog, familiar with my pained expressions, ducked out of the way. The tormented cadence of my cries rang sent my shoulders to lurching with each heave of emotion.  The wailing and tears continued as I drove to work, punching in anguished texts to those closest to me.
  God, the pain was too much. It was as if the weight of depression and hopelessness drowned out everything else.
 I made it to work, but  got caught in spasms of hyperventilation.   At times I had to walk away. I was on the phone with my brother in Colorado, pouring out my heart as my guts went queasy with disbelief. I was getting divorced, she was pulling the trigger, and I wouldn't have even known!
 Monday I asked her what was going on. She told me she hadn't heard about the hearing until Friday when she called her lawyer. When was he going to tell her?
 What is this guy, collect the money and run? I got notice in a certified letter last year about a small claims deal;  I got notice when my sister thought I was a threat to her a year ago, but I don't get notice of my own divorce?
 I called her lawyer Monday morning. Twice. No answer. Until 3:06 p.m. when I was out. The kids came home from school and I went somewhere with them. When I got home at 7:15 p.m., I discovered the message from the lawyer's secretary.
 Nice. Too late for a response, even though I called just in case.
 Tuesday, I got hold of the law office.  The secretary confirmed the divorce was set for the next morning.
 Thanks.
 Wednesday, I called my best friend Marv. I needed his support. He said he'd meet me at the courtroom.
 I went in and found my wife, the one I adore, the one I pledged to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, til death do us part, forever and ever Amen.
 She looked good. She was reading a book on the Kindle I bought her for Mother's Day.
 I sat near her, one empty seat between us. Only one other couple in the waiting area, far away.  Their woman lawyer came up and was talking to them.
 "Where is everyone?" I asked Shannon.
 "They'll be here," she said, as if she came here every week for a divorce.
 We made small  talk about her Kindle,  two people without a care in the world, by the looks of us. I wondered if she would go out for lunch with me afterwards. I didn't dare ask.
 It just felt weird, her being there and me being there, supposed to be getting a divorce after 18 years and four kids.

 Her lawyer showed up. Nice of him. "There's the man of the hour," I breathed.
 He went to the courtroom, motioning for Shannon to stay put. He  returned momentarily, motioned her in, and came back momentarily, and motioned me in.
 The other couple with the woman lawyer were the only other ones. We were first. Marv wasn't there yet. I thought it would be crowded and we wouldn't know how long a wait to expect.
 Our case was first. I sat at the opposite table from  my wife, who sat by her lawyer. I waited, wondering what I would actually say.
 Her lawyer asked to speak with Shannon privately and I sat back in the pews. But this was nothing like church.
 The other lady, who turned out to be with her father, came forward with her woman lawyer. The judge came in and the court recorder followed.
 The woman was sworn in and testified that her no good husband was in the Greene County Jail and she was gonna get a divorce. She got one.
 Then it was my turn.
 Shannon's lawyer got first crack. He handed me a notice of divorce with pages of writing.
 He told the judge my wife "desperately wanted a divorce so she could get on with her life" and that I hadn't responded in the 30 days allowed and was therefore in default.
 I told the judge I hadn't responded because I was working on reconciliation, not termination. I told him I believed reconciliation was probable and I hadn't put energy into the terms of divorce, but that I didn't agree with the parenting plan and my wife's request for sole custody.
 The judge granted me a 15-day continuance, telling me, "You've got another bite at this apple. I suggest you seek legal counsel."
 I thanked him and left the courtroom ahead of my wife and her lawyer without a word. Marv wasn't even here yet, and it was already over. For now. I was glad to not be divorced, but I felt like a dirty dog for getting what I wanted. I felt like I somehow had betrayed my wife by not granting her everything she wanted.  Weird.